There are nights that are darker than others and sleep is a distant dream. Thoughts fill the night and there’s something to wonder. How do you live with something that is constantly trying to kill you? It’s taken some time to find the answer, but here’s a theory. You live with what ruins you from the inside, but insteading of fighting it, you embrace it. You embrace the cracks it has and fill it with love. How can you love something that kills you? You can. It’s a battle and you have to fight. You have to be a survivor. You have to keep going, because winning isn’t always about defeating the other, it’s also about embracing the fall and still not giving up. It’s about constant state of war where you’re still living. Winning is about surviving. As long as you’re fighting, you’re alive. Aren’t you one of those lucky ones who get their own battles to fight? Of course, you should be happy because it’s about being the one chosen strong enough to fight. Everyone is strong enough to fight their battles. Wear your scars as an honour. Wear your wounds as a medal. There’s so much to love about this battle and we’re just beginning. There’s something to love about the morning that follows too. Every day is a new one. Maybe in the morning your scars, wounds, and pain may shine like a star and it’ll be that wonderful day whn you realise that you’ve lived.
– Bezubaan (Coming soon)
Why have we defined beauty in a destructive way?
A little kid taught me something very important. Love yourself and value who you are because it doesn’t matter what others say. What you think about yourself matters. This truth, that I’ve known, has hit me hard when I saw it in reality.
We may not like the negative aspects of our personality (like jealousy) and we try to change it, which is understandable. What about aspect like looks? Why do we let someone else’s opinion of us bring us down?
Let me admit something. I’ve had those moments as a kid when I would wonder what makes me unlike others, why I don’t have the looks that would make me ‘normal’. Why? I don’t remember well. I think a huge part of me didn’t know and still doesn’t know how to figure out if someone has good looks and the other part of me used to judge myself. It’s a paradox! Like everything in life, time worked and I’ve realised I don’t get much affected by what others say unless it resonates with what I think about myself.
We don’t realise this, but everyone has their own set of insecurities. Some maybe conventionally beautiful and still judge themselves.
Being fair doesn’t make anyone lovely. Or handsome. Same goes for being dark. It’s how you perceive yourself and others that makes you beautiful.
Months back when I still had ileostomy (is it the first time I’m talking about this?) and I was underweight, I’d look in the mirror and like who I was seeing. I was proud of being that girl I saw. In the initial days, I couldn’t recognise myself because a lot looked too unnatural.
Weak, perplexed, and figuring out things in my head, I liked the person staring back at me. I saw something beyond explanation that made me realise it’s stupid to not love who you are.
I have scars. There is a reason why I have always been against getting rid of them. It’s really simple. My scars remind me of stories. They’re stories of not just how I got them, but also of everything that happened around that time. They tell me about the place, people, myself. They remind me that I had some people who held my hand when I needed to walk. They remind me of my own internal struggles. They remind me of places that have been hurtful. They don’t own me. I own them. My scars are my rewards. They remind me of everything I’ve learned because of them.
The reason I mentioned my scars is because we’re all so immersed in getting rid of them that we forget how valuable they are. They’re beautiful. We want to look so perfect that we forget how beautiful we are naturally.
Beauty isn’t about looks. It’s about how you feel.
Next time, when you look at yourself, make sure to see the beauty in you.
You are truly the most beautiful version of yourself.