How I fell in love multiple times 

I’m sure if my family or friends read this title, they’re going to start wondering what I’m talking about.

Before you all start wondering, I’ll explain.

We all know that the world has been in some of the most difficult times. There’s so much going on that some of us may have already lost faith in humanity. I, however, fell in love with it multiple times.

I’ve seen people who deserve nothing but all the love, people who deserve all the respect, people who demand nothing and give everything.

I was in a hospital for about a month last year. I met some incredibly beautiful people there. Doctors were amazing at their work. In a world where we are losing our faith in this industry, I had mine intact. The workers there, cleaners, nurses and literally just everybody knew me. They’d do their duty of taking care of me, but many times, mostly always, they’d go out of their way to care. If I haven’t thanked enough, I’d want to thank now. All of them, including my doctors, each person that ever came to see me, I respect you all not just for doing your job wonderfully, but also for being massively supportive.

Last year, roughly around this time, I met an old man. Sitting in the waiting area of the hospital that I went to after getting discharged from previous one, I was with my mother and aunt. Completely clueless about everything going on with me, I sat there looking hopeless. Just about a month back, I had a normal life. A month later, life was everything but normal. I couldn’t recognise myself. My face looked as if it was painted black with hopelessness, exhaustion. I was just not myself. That old man had no idea why I was there, looking extremely deplorable. He had no idea that I was not myself, that my life changed drastically in less than a moment. He asked us if I were sick and then said that I can’t be sick. He then asked me to sit beside him and I obliged. He told me that I am not a patient, that I am such a beautiful girl (I really wasn’t. I really was in a terrible condition). At that moment, I had nothing to say. I was so overwhelmed, I had no words to say. That man left soon. If I’d have to describe what hope looked like, then it’ll be him. I don’t know why he said what he said, but I do know that he’s always going to be in my heart. This is highly unlikely, but if you’re reading this post, uncle, know that all of it meant so much to me. It still does. I fell in love with humanity once again.

I was admitted for some days about a month after meeting the old man. I met a nurse there who was admitted as her hand was fractured. She had come to see me in my room and I’ve known her since then. One of my nurses needed help and she, with her fractured hand, helped out. Whenever she would see me, she’d smile. Little did I know, I met her once again months later when I got operated. I had just gained consciousness when I felt someone by my side asking me if I recognised her. I couldn’t see clearly, but I knew it was her. I don’t understand how I knew it, but I did even though I hadn’t seen her that day before going in for surgery. She was there looking after me. To that woman, thank you for being you.

My doctors at the current hospital I’m going to have been a significant part of my journey. They’ve been working on making me feel better since one year and they’ve worked hard. They have been a fighter along with me and my family. They’ve fought, they instilled hope in me, made me feel normal. They’ve been God sent miracles. They did and still do their job with so much honesty, they deserve to be appreciated.

My friends, I can’t thank them enough and without their quick action, I wouldn’t have been here at all. I think they’d know why I’m saying this. I love you all. You’ve redefined friendship and gave it so much of meaning.

My extended family is on the list too, especially some of the people who have been so incredibly supportive that I can never forget all my life. I know that family is something that’s supposed to be always by your side, but it’s important for me to mention this. There are some who’ve done so much for me that you cannot describe in words, especially my aunts and uncles. You can only respect them for it.

I also know of so many people who have prayed for me, called me to check on me, did all they could to make me feel better. They weren’t even related to me, but they were still there. All of them, they deserve all the respect.

My family friends and their two little beautiful kids have become family to me. I’m not sure if it’s the same for them, but for me, they mean so much. Throughout the time that they’ve known me, they’ve been an incredible support, brought a smile to my face and made me happy. They’ve been there always and that matters. I don’t have many words to describe them, but I would definitely say they’re one of my million blessings. All the love to them.

I hope I’ve not missed anyone because it was important for me to talk about it. All these people have shown me that there’s a lot of hope in every person around you if only you could look at it. They’ve shown me it’s still possible to do so much for someone without asking anything in return. I respect each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.

I have to mention my parents too. My mother, who left her job to take care of me and stayed with me away from our home and my father who stayed alone for more than one year are two people who’ve taught me everything in life. They’ve taught me to be strong, to be kind, to give without asking anything in return, to love, to care, to understand and accept all, to appreciate whatever life gives and however it turns out to be. They’ve made me whatever I am today.

The list goes on. And I don’t think I can do justice to it because there are just so many people that made me realise life’s full of hope.

At every step, God paved the way for me to walk on. He opened one door after another and sent people to me who would do all to bring me to this stage in life.
All these people have made me feel loved massively, they’ve made me fall in love with humanity over and over again. They’ve made their own space in my heart and I shall keep them there forever.

I have my faith in humanity, in all the people and I know that there are so many of you out there defining hope for many others. I believe in you too. I believe in humanity.

Into the mind of an introvert

There are different kinds of introverts. Yes, there are. Just like we’re all different individuals, we’re different introverts too.

What kind of introvert am I? Let me explain.

I might be talking to you, doing some work, or I may be simply idle, yet I’ll zone out. It takes some seconds for me to realise I’d left reality and entered into a parallel universe. Zoning out is a fascinating phenomenon, especially when this happens while I’m in the middle of a conversation or any work.

It’s not necessary that I’m lost in some thought while I’m silent. For all you know, I may be singing a song in my head or I may not be thinking anything at all. I do some thinking while I’m talking, which isn’t as same as zoning out. It’s just thinking.

I’m a paradox. I’m simple, yet complex, even to myself. I feel everything intensely, yet feel nothing at all. I’m reserved and shy, yet outgoing as well. And the list goes on.

The feeling of numbness is not an alien feeling. I’ve felt it since forever. Let me explain this if you don’t already understand. Numbness is when you stop feeling anything or getting affected by anything. You may have a lot going on or you may come across something that should make you feel a certain kind of emotion, but you fail to feel it. You’re numb.

If I love people in my life, I’ll love them with all my heart, I’ll literally do everything for them. But if I’ve let you go, it’s taken a lot for me to do that. And when I let go, I’m never going back to it.

I’m not too great at staying in touch, but it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you. I don’t forget people. I might even contact you out of nowhere reminiscing about old times.

I see so many angles to any story and they all seem right in their own way. That’s something which is complicated, yet simple. I accept things and people the way they are. I’ll understand your reasons and everyone else’s who are involved in your story. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to look past what’s wrong. I’m honest and that’s why I choose to stay silent a lot of times. People don’t appreciate the truth many a time.

I’m a realist, but not pessimistic. I can be a little negative about myself, but that’s mostly because I’d want someone to oppose the negativity and tell me the positive idea that I want to hear.

I’m not indecisive or confused, though I may say I am. I’d be very certain deep down but would still have many layers of confusion mainly because I’d want my certainty to be reinforced.

I’m not spontaneous or impulsive, but sometimes I’d like to be. I follow my intuition and sometimes, it comes across as spontaneity, even when it is not.

For me, everyone is a good person. I’d know the bad in you, but I’ll keep giving chances to the good in you. I give a lot of chances.

I do not like the word ‘hate’. It’s too strong and evil. I do not like the word ‘ugly’ too for the very same reason. Also, they’re both insensitive.

I’m not good at expressing. My way of expressing is through writing. Words have become an incredible friend of mine. When it comes to speaking, it’s difficult many a time.

I think a lot. I analyse a lot. Both of them can be a gift and a curse. It depends on how you’re taking it. It doesn’t take much time for me to dwell deep into thoughts.

I’m my worst critic. I’m way too sensitive to others than I am with myself. It’s not unusual for me to be pretty harsh with myself.

I also have problems trusting people. I can’t trust people easily. Trust is a rare thing.

I’m also adamant, very adamant. If I know I’m right, there’s no way you can change my opinion. But if I’m wrong and you prove it to me, I’ll accept it.

If you’ve read this much and are acquainted with MBTI, you’d know by now that I’m an INFJ. You’d also know how flawed we are, how difficult it is to understand ourselves sometimes.

It’s like a battle you’re fighting with yourself. No victory, no loss. A constant battle of a lifetime. At the same time, it’s all you know to be, the only person you actually can be. And in so many ways, you really just want to be the same.