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After waiting for several days, my book is no more enrolled in KDP Select. I can now give it away for free! Why? Simple: spread of ideas. I don’t care about selling my book for money. I want people to read and reflect, to discuss. This has been my intention since the beginning, but being enrolled in KDP Select, I didn’t have much choice.  I realised it doesn’t let me give my book away for free for as long as I wanted, which I hadn’t known well enough before enrolling. I now have the option and I’m going for it.

Blue Ashes is a chapbook containing poems about love, loss, grief, death, inspiration. I’ve always loved metaphors and I’ve used a lot of them in this book to convey my message.

Click here to download the book —> Blue Ashes 

Carpe diem!

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Beauty lies in you

Why have we defined beauty in a destructive way? 

A little kid taught me something very important. Love yourself and value who you are because it doesn’t matter what others say. What you think about yourself matters. This truth, that I’ve known, has hit me hard when I saw it in reality. 
We may not like the negative aspects of our personality (like jealousy) and we try to change it, which is understandable. What about aspect like looks? Why do we let someone else’s opinion of us bring us down? 

Let me admit something. I’ve had those moments as a kid when I would wonder what makes me unlike others, why I don’t have the looks that would make me ‘normal’. Why? I don’t remember well. I think a huge part of me didn’t know and still doesn’t know how to figure out if someone has good looks and the other part of me used to judge myself. It’s a paradox! Like everything in life, time worked and I’ve realised I don’t get much affected by what others say unless it resonates with what I think about myself. 
We don’t realise this, but everyone has their own set of insecurities. Some maybe conventionally beautiful and still judge themselves. 
Being fair doesn’t make anyone lovely. Or handsome. Same goes for being dark. It’s how you perceive yourself and others that makes you beautiful. 
Months back when I still had ileostomy (is it the first time I’m talking about this?) and I was underweight, I’d look in the mirror and like who I was seeing. I was proud of being that girl I saw. In the initial days, I couldn’t recognise myself because a lot looked too unnatural. 
Weak, perplexed, and figuring out things in my head, I liked the person staring back at me. I saw something beyond explanation that made me realise it’s stupid to not love who you are.

 
I have scars. There is a reason why I have always been against getting rid of them. It’s really simple. My scars remind me of stories. They’re stories of not just how I got them, but also of everything that happened around that time. They tell me about the place, people, myself. They remind me that I had some people who held my hand when I needed to walk. They remind me of my own internal struggles. They remind me of places that have been hurtful. They don’t own me. I own them. My scars are my rewards. They remind me of everything I’ve learned because of them.

 
The reason I mentioned my scars is because we’re all so immersed in getting rid of them that we forget how valuable they are. They’re beautiful. We want to look so perfect that we forget how beautiful we are naturally. 
Beauty isn’t about looks. It’s about how you feel.
Next time, when you look at yourself, make sure to see the beauty in you.
You are truly the most beautiful version of yourself.

How I fell in love multiple times 

I’m sure if my family or friends read this title, they’re going to start wondering what I’m talking about.

Before you all start wondering, I’ll explain.

We all know that the world has been in some of the most difficult times. There’s so much going on that some of us may have already lost faith in humanity. I, however, fell in love with it multiple times.

I’ve seen people who deserve nothing but all the love, people who deserve all the respect, people who demand nothing and give everything.

I was in a hospital for about a month last year. I met some incredibly beautiful people there. Doctors were amazing at their work. In a world where we are losing our faith in this industry, I had mine intact. The workers there, cleaners, nurses and literally just everybody knew me. They’d do their duty of taking care of me, but many times, mostly always, they’d go out of their way to care. If I haven’t thanked enough, I’d want to thank now. All of them, including my doctors, each person that ever came to see me, I respect you all not just for doing your job wonderfully, but also for being massively supportive.

Last year, roughly around this time, I met an old man. Sitting in the waiting area of the hospital that I went to after getting discharged from previous one, I was with my mother and aunt. Completely clueless about everything going on with me, I sat there looking hopeless. Just about a month back, I had a normal life. A month later, life was everything but normal. I couldn’t recognise myself. My face looked as if it was painted black with hopelessness, exhaustion. I was just not myself. That old man had no idea why I was there, looking extremely deplorable. He had no idea that I was not myself, that my life changed drastically in less than a moment. He asked us if I were sick and then said that I can’t be sick. He then asked me to sit beside him and I obliged. He told me that I am not a patient, that I am such a beautiful girl (I really wasn’t. I really was in a terrible condition). At that moment, I had nothing to say. I was so overwhelmed, I had no words to say. That man left soon. If I’d have to describe what hope looked like, then it’ll be him. I don’t know why he said what he said, but I do know that he’s always going to be in my heart. This is highly unlikely, but if you’re reading this post, uncle, know that all of it meant so much to me. It still does. I fell in love with humanity once again.

I was admitted for some days about a month after meeting the old man. I met a nurse there who was admitted as her hand was fractured. She had come to see me in my room and I’ve known her since then. One of my nurses needed help and she, with her fractured hand, helped out. Whenever she would see me, she’d smile. Little did I know, I met her once again months later when I got operated. I had just gained consciousness when I felt someone by my side asking me if I recognised her. I couldn’t see clearly, but I knew it was her. I don’t understand how I knew it, but I did even though I hadn’t seen her that day before going in for surgery. She was there looking after me. To that woman, thank you for being you.

My doctors at the current hospital I’m going to have been a significant part of my journey. They’ve been working on making me feel better since one year and they’ve worked hard. They have been a fighter along with me and my family. They’ve fought, they instilled hope in me, made me feel normal. They’ve been God sent miracles. They did and still do their job with so much honesty, they deserve to be appreciated.

My friends, I can’t thank them enough and without their quick action, I wouldn’t have been here at all. I think they’d know why I’m saying this. I love you all. You’ve redefined friendship and gave it so much of meaning.

My extended family is on the list too, especially some of the people who have been so incredibly supportive that I can never forget all my life. I know that family is something that’s supposed to be always by your side, but it’s important for me to mention this. There are some who’ve done so much for me that you cannot describe in words, especially my aunts and uncles. You can only respect them for it.

I also know of so many people who have prayed for me, called me to check on me, did all they could to make me feel better. They weren’t even related to me, but they were still there. All of them, they deserve all the respect.

My family friends and their two little beautiful kids have become family to me. Throughout the time that they’ve known me, they’ve been an incredible support, brought a smile to my face and made me happy. They’ve been there always and that matters. I don’t have many words to describe them, but I would definitely say they’re one of my million blessings. All the love to them.

I hope I’ve not missed anyone because it was important for me to talk about it. All these people have shown me that there’s a lot of hope in every person around you if only you could look at it. They’ve shown me it’s still possible to do so much for someone without asking anything in return. I respect each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.

I have to mention my parents too. My mother, who left her job to take care of me and stayed with me away from our home and my father who stayed alone for more than one year are two people who’ve taught me everything in life. They’ve taught me to be strong, to be kind, to give without asking anything in return, to love, to care, to understand and accept all, to appreciate whatever life gives and however it turns out to be. They’ve made me whatever I am today.

The list goes on. And I don’t think I can do justice to it because there are just so many people that made me realise life’s full of hope.

At every step, God paved the way for me to walk on. He opened one door after another and sent people to me who would do all to bring me to this stage in life.
All these people have made me feel loved massively, they’ve made me fall in love with humanity over and over again. They’ve made their own space in my heart and I shall keep them there forever.

I have my faith in humanity, in all the people and I know that there are so many of you out there defining hope for many others. I believe in you too. I believe in humanity.